preludetodeath

So I was reading through this thing and my old one and It made me realize how much I have changed. Reading them made me laugh. It also sort of made me sad because Im changing and growing up...but I dont want to. I like who I am today and not who I was before. Before I was always trying to be someone different, but now Im just me. I dont know. Maybe Im really not me and Im trying to be someone different again. All I know is, I just dont want to grow up. Ive also been thinking about death a little more than usual because there have been so many lately. Lexie was only 15...FIFTEEN, she had a whole life to live but she threw it away by making one stupid mistake. I didnt get to really know her, but Ive heard she was an amazing girl who would always make you smile. Her death also made me think about luke more. I miss him so much more and more each day. He was so young too and had soo much life to live. I dont wanna die. I dont want anyone in my family to die or any of my friends. I dont know what I would do without them. And it scares me because we dont know what really happens after death...if anything happens at all. Are you just gone? Forever? or is there really a heaven and hell? I hate it when I think because I end up scaring myself. If I die young I want all of my friends and family to know that I love them and I always will. Especially Cody, hes helped me alot. I used to say I would never want to be buried and I would want to be cremated and to not have an open casket. Ive thought about this more and I dont think it would really seem real...like it would really seem like I was gone unless there was an open casket. I also dont want to be cremated anymore because that now sort of freaks me out.

im sick.

again.

=(

sooo me and janessa are throwing maria a surprise birthday party, SHHHHHHHHHH....dont tell her, well its mainly me lol janessa sucks at throwing parties, hah jay kay. so basicly come if you want to its at ----------- and its on the -- of ---- and its from -:-- to -:--. but dont tell her or ill kill you :)

wow. like the past week has seemed like a month. RI was amazinggg, like it always is haha, cept devon aka thunderrrr wasnt there :( i was looking 4ward 2 him and bruce fighting during the x core vollyball game, tim's team lost again this yr, wow. ew and tim mooned everyone. we got r asses kicked by their neighbors cuz their firworks owned r's, but josh kept knocking them over cuz he was so wasted. i wish i got 2 go2 the beach more. aaaanddd yup thats about it. last years party owned this yrs though. i went over nessas todayy to go swimming and then we ended up going 2 nates party and that was fun....till i got thrown in the pool w/ alll my clothes on and my pretty new belt :( oh wellllll it was still awwwesome.......oh ya i want an RI accent :)

wow. pretty awesome day yesterday...it went by so slowly, i cant believe its already summer this year went by so fasstt. rhode island next week, it seems like i was just there like yesterday. hopefully tim and nick bring dmule, mark, and fern again...haha hopefully adam too, those guys are craaazzyy. ive been soo confused about like everything lately and i think ive finally figured it all out :) yay maria got her haircut FINALLY!!!!

geeez long dayy. but it was awwesome :) i went to the DAR with nessa aaand we couldnt find jimmys camp and we were arguing about sumthing and about what if they wernt at there camp and we woke them up kinda...hehe, but it was like 11...30, and omg i went in the lake, ew i still cant believe i did, i got in too deep and i couldnt see the ground and i almost started crying...cuz im scared of lakes. and we went kayaking and im sooo good at it haha not...yup pretty awesome day im gunna go sleepy now

holy crap. my feet hurt like a fucker. owww. im never running in my bare feet again. i have a splinter tooo...im never hiding in a bush again. and i called like 5 ppl by accident cuz my hands were wet from my broken water gun...so if i called u im sorrryy lol. ew im also never going a pool with my clothes on, i would of taken off my shirt like andy did but i didnt like my bra. lol. lola tried to eat my hand. omgg andy hit me in the face with the huge ass frisbee and it hurt to talk for like 5 min...mariaa i think this was better then last years :)

ahhh so on wed i think it was...we went outside for the stupid butt bus evacuation drills and it was raining....oh joy, but thats ok. sooo i got on liike the last bus and we ended up being the last bus left and so we went to go inside and we were LOCKED out...woot. so we waited there till sum1 came by...like 10 min later sum1 did, and then like everyone went around so it took longer and ya, i missed lots of math.

thennn today we went on a BAGEL walk. i love those. and we went to starbucks...well me, leah, ann, and holly did. la la la. then we saw kelsy and justin @ brugers and omg i hadnt seen kelsy in foreverrr. oh yeah we had a sub for the bagel walk and it was nathans mom. haha. ew i dont like him. but his birdy LOVES meee.

kyle REALLY pissed me off and was like " gay people have no point in living" or sumthing like that, i relly dont remember cuz he pissed me off so much. jordan was about to punch him in the face. like how casn he say something like that? specially in northampton. hes really fat so would he like it if someone was like "fattt asses have no point in living"...cuz i dont think he would.

yay, i finally figured out how im going to get my tongue pierced :)

i cant wait for janessa bday party. lol. omg. last years was crazy. lol becca came like drunk and then we handcuffed ann to the table, and lucy to a shovel, and then becca handcuffed me and threw the keys out the window, into a bush. but like i dont really remember what was janessas party and marias. hmm. welll all i remember from marias was the belly dancing and water balloons. welll maria i hope you actually have food this year for janessas party, so we dont have to borrow hers. la la la. im boredd. yay. almost the end of school. geeez i want a good concert at pearl st now. or some other place. tomorrow is 6/6/06. teehee.

i got a reallly bad sunburn...ewwwwwwwwwy im all pink and red =[ but today was awwesome. i had a huge water gun fight aand my water gun broke aand i got this sickk bubble blower thingy, malll tomorrow with jess
i love 3 day weekends =]